#252: “The Devil And Jesus Walk Into A Bar”

The Devil and Jesus walk into a bar. They sit down, order drinks and start to engage in some biblical hermeneutics. Jesus expresses his concerns about humanity, in particular, the Christians.

“I won’t judge the living and the dead. Who do these Christians think they are with this closed door policy.”

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Humans are the only creatures that take holidays. Sure, some birds migrate and some animals hibernate but humans are the only creature on the planet that have the temerity to think ‘You know what? I deserve a break. I’m going on my holidays’. We really are a narcissistic bunch of wankers.

At some point in our evolution as a species, somebody decided that God would judge us if we didn’t put some time aside to reflect upon his existence. As human responses to the presumptions about the whim of a capricious and needy God go, the ‘holy day’ was a nice one, definitely at the other end of the spectrum to human sacrifices. It was a slippery slope, though, and somewhere along the way, we got a taste for these holi-days and started having them in batches.

Next week I’m off on my holidays. (I deserve it.) The Chip Race is on hiatus and I’m going to the beautiful Lloret Del Mar on the Costa Brava. I will be playing the Unibet Deepstack Open so, needless to say, there will be lots of praying to my own fickle Deity. God asked Abraham to offer up his Son but my newborn Hunter should be safe enough. The Poker Gods are usually satisfied with me sacrificing two bullets in the Main and one in the Highroller.

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Slamming his drink on the table, Jesus tells the Devil that there has been a huge misunderstanding, one which has distorted the soul of humanity.

“Hey”, says the Devil, “it wasn’t my idea to give them souls.”

“Without souls”, Jesus replies, “they couldn’t have invented us.”